Funny Things Kids Say

[Texas Immigrant]

On our way home from our son's last basketball game of the season, we started talking to him about playing football next year. He's 7 and this will be his first experience in football (I'm REALLY nervous about that), so we're thinking of putting him in the flag football league. He didn't sound really excited about that because he wants to tackle. My husband was telling him how to play flag football and how you get to rip the little "flags" off the other person's "belt". He asked, "Can we use our teeth?"

I about drove off the road. :))

[cityboy]

Way back when, we were driving with my daughter in the back seat. She was prob'ly 3 or so, I can't remember. Suddenly, she bursts out crying:

"What's the matter?"
"I bit my lip!"
"How did you do that?"
"With my teeth ... "

[CenTexDave]

#1 son was nearly 3 years old when he was hungry and wanted something to eat.
I asked him what he wanted.
His reply? "Food".

[Scarlett]

I was babysitting a kid once...when I was 17...anyhow I picked him up from school, turned around to make sure his seatbelt was on, and then did a real quick double take (picture my head whipping around faster than lightening) as I saw a CONDOM hanging out of his MOUTH! I ripped it away from him and tossed it out the door, where it hit my friend as she was getting into the car, which brought about a tremendously loud scream from her.
Meanwhile the kid in the backseat screamed at me to "GIVE ME BACK MY NEW BALLOON." He said he "found it in the high school parking lot."

Yeah, don't think I will ever forget THAT one...

[CenTexDave]

How old was the kid??

[Scarlett]

1st grade. That was fun to try to explain...I still remember the conversation...

Me: It isn't a balloon!
Kid: Then what is it?
Me: I can't tell you.
Kid: If you can't tell me, then it is about sex.
Me: Yes it is, it is called a condom, ask your mother.
Kid: I know what sex is. Sex is tits.

Me: Silent

[cityboy]

Sex is tits -- that boy has the right idea!!! ;)

[FieryPrincess]

it ought to weed out reproducing if that's as far as he gets...

[the pink pastry]

My youngest son was 6 or so when we were out tubing and skiing on Mount Ranier. It was a long day in the snow and of course everybody was hungry. As we were making our slow descent off the mountain... my youngest pipes up "I'm hungry!"... I responded "I know sweety, we'll get something when we get off the mountain."... his response "Well you better hurry or I'm gonna have to start eating my boogers if you don't."

On another occasion with the same youngest boy.... We had just bought a new recliner and the furniture store had just delivered it and I had used an box cutter to take off the plastic wrap... I laid it on the side table and went to the bathroom and when I came back there were 3 perfectly cut lines in the arm of the new chair and the cutter was exactly where I had left it. I thought maybe the furniture store had damaged it, but didn't recall seeing the cuts on it when I took the wrap off, so I began questioning children. Of course the answers were "wasn't me Mom", when I got to the youngest, he couldn't look me in the eye so I knew I had my culprit. I was so angry and was going to give him a spanking but instead I asked for an explanation first. He looked me calmly in the eye and said "the voices in my head made me do it!" :ymdevil:

[cityboy]

And you let him get away with that???

[Scarlett]

My kid would be hearing a new voice in that head to go along with the new feeling on his backside for the rest of the day.... :-Q

[cityboy]

No kiddin'' ... I was about 3-5 years old (can't remember exactly) when I took an axe to the bumper of my old man's new car. I don't know what he did when he discovered me hacking away at the chrome, but it probably wasn't pretty ...

[Texas Immigrant]

Our friend that lives with us (an older lady) was watching a baby today for another friend. She told me that when the kids got off the bus they asked, "What do we have her for", our friend jokingly replied to them, "We're going to keep her", my son replied to that, "Mommy said she didn't want anymore babies".

[mainer]

A couple of days ago, our four-year-old granddaughter was strapped in the backseat of my husband's car. She was thirsty, so he handed her his bottled water, which, of course, she promptly dropped spilling it all over the floor. He has an FJ Cruiser which is totally childproof (no carpet on the floor...it's all rubber or something). She immediately apologized: "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." He pulled over and started to clean it up while telling her it was okay, no problem.

She said: "Please don't tell Mommy." He said, "Ok."
She said: "Please don't tell Nana." He said, "Ok."
She said: "And please pray, Poppy." He said, "What?"
She said: "Please pray you forget this."

[xzochye]

A couple of days ago, our four-year-old granddaughter was strapped in the backseat of my husband's car. She was thirsty, so he handed her his bottled water, which, of course, she promptly dropped spilling it all over the floor. He has an FJ Cruiser which is totally childproof (no carpet on the floor...it's all rubber or something). She immediately apologized: "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." He pulled over and started to clean it up while telling her it was okay, no problem.

She said: "Please don't tell Mommy." He said, "Ok."
She said: "Please don't tell Nana." He said, "Ok."
She said: "And please pray, Poppy." He said, "What?"
She said: "Please pray you forget this."


That is so precious! O:-)

[the pink pastry]

Oh he got a spanking for sure... that was after I walked out on the front porch and laughed my butt off! My boys are quick on the draw and know how to get out of a jam... no matter the situation we always find something humorous in it. Reminds me of my oldest who was a Freshman in High School... he has always been well know for being a well mannered, funny bone kinda kid. Once I went to pick him up to take him to a doctors appointment; we were walking out the campus door and the Principal was walking towards us to enter. Just about the time we met on the sidewalk a huge wind came up and blew the Principals toupee off, the Principal just stood there mortified and my son without missing a beat too off after it. He retrieved it and brought it back and handed it to the Principal and seriously told him "Here's your dead raccoon Mr.????. While I was now the one mortified, the Principal just busted out laughing and patted my son on the back! See what mom's have to put up with!!!!!

[Texas Immigrant]

Last night, my 1st grader was doing his homework. Part of the assignment was for him to come up with three words that have the /or/ sound. He thought of his first word "poor" and spelled it on his paper, he sat there and thought for a few seconds then asked, "Mommy, is hor a word (spelling it that way because that is probably what he was thinking)" My husband and I looked at each other and tried to not laugh, then dad quickly asked him, how about "horse". He was happy with that and no more was said about it. Whew!!!

[christine]

This month my nephew turned 4. when he got up, the morning of his birthday, he asked his mother "when do we put the Christmas tree up?"
naturally she was puzzled. He went on to say quite casually, "I want a Christmas tree for my birthday."
my sister then laughed saying, "we only do that for Jesus's birthday. but you get a birthday cake, which is pretty cool."
my nephew just turned away and put his head down refusing to look at her. He is under the opinion that Jesus shouldn't be the only one that gets a tree for his birthday.

I don't think I've ever heard that one before.

[Scarlett]

That is, quite possibly, one of the cutest things I have ever heard.

[catdog]

I had friend whose name was Myra when my daughter was little (about 4). She kept calling her Ra I sat her down and told her, her name was "My ra" she thought a minute and said Your Ra. I still laugh when I think about it.

[christine]

When we told my 4yr old nephew that I am going to have a baby his first question was “Where is it? Can it come to my house?”
So we explained to him that the baby was in my tummy &it has to stay there until it grows bigger. He was slightly disappointed when we also told him it will take a long time. So we promised that eventually, while it’s in my tummy, he will get to feel it kick.
He was ok with this explanation but now every time I see him (which is everyday) he asks me, “Did the baby grow’d yet?”

[Texas Immigrant]

I bought a new dress today for a friend's wedding. It is black and white spotted, almost like a dalmation. I put it on and walked into the living room, where my 7 year old son greeted me with "Mommy, you look like a cow" Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for.

[Texas Immigrant]

I read a friend of mine's facebook page the other day. She said that her Kindergarten class was discussing what they wanted to be when they grow up, one of her students raised their hand and said they're going to be an a$$kicker.

[QueenB]

1st grade. That was fun to try to explain...I still remember the conversation...

Me: It isn't a balloon!
Kid: Then what is it?
Me: I can't tell you.
Kid: If you can't tell me, then it is about sex.
Me: Yes it is, it is called a condom, ask your mother.
Kid: I know what sex is. Sex is tits.

Me: Silent

Bawahahahahahaha:)) seriously, I was laughing so hard my 2 Daschund's came over to see what is going on :))

[Texas Immigrant]

My 7 year old son just called me into the bathroom to help him. He's sitting on the toilet, I asked him what was wrong. He said he had poopoo that wouldn't come out and he needed me to squeeze his hand. I asked why. He said that I should squeeze his hand to make it come out. I told him that's not how it works and where did he hear that from. He said no one had told him. He saw it on TV. When a lady was having a baby!!

I couldn't help myself. I had a pretty good laugh. He must have flipped through the channels and saw "A Baby Story" on TLC.

[christine]

My 7 year old son just called me into the bathroom to help him. He's sitting on the toilet, I asked him what was wrong. He said he had poopoo that wouldn't come out and he needed me to squeeze his hand. I asked why. He said that I should squeeze his hand to make it come out. I told him that's not how it works and where did he hear that from. He said no one had told him. He saw it on TV. When a lady was having a baby!!

I couldn't help myself. I had a pretty good laugh. He must have flipped through the channels and saw "A Baby Story" on TLC.

:))

[CenTexDave]

He'll learn soon enough of the old male gag - "Pull my finger quick"!! :):))

[Scarlett]

Ok, my daughter has officially been brainwashed by my father! She was just explaining to me how Obama SUCKS and that he is going to "tax farmers every time their cows fart" and that "All democrats are stupid!" I asked if she had heard this from grandpa and she did not hesitate before she yelled YES!

[christine]

I bought a new dress today for a friend's wedding. It is black and white spotted, almost like a dalmation. I put it on and walked into the living room, where my 7 year old son greeted me with "Mommy, you look like a cow" Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for.

hey atleast it was your son that greeted you that way. I had bought a dress like that...dalmation-like spots. and when I showed my husband he mooed at me.
He ment it as to say that the dress looked like a cow print but well...you know how it was taken. I still had a good laugh about it but gave him an evil glare first.

[Texas Immigrant]

That's funny Christine, I hope he didn't do this while you were pregnant.

[Night Owl]

Are you saying that Christine looks like a cow NOW!!!!:)):))

[christine]

no it was wayyy before that.
but if you think that is funny then you should know what he asked the sonogram tec when she show/told it was a boy.

He says, "I don't mean this to sound weird...but I have to know. In your professional opinion is he 'gifted'?"

the girl just looked at me & we both cracked up. & of course me being a smart a** I said, "Not if he's like his dad."
It was priceless!:))

[christine]

Are you saying that Christine looks like a cow NOW!!!!:)):))

very funny Owl. I have you know that Im pretty small for nearly 7months.

[QueenB]

Kids! Just when you think life is boring they come along and crack you up ! :))



When we told my 4yr old nephew that I am going to have a baby his first question was “Where is it? Can it come to my house?”
So we explained to him that the baby was in my tummy &it has to stay there until it grows bigger. He was slightly disappointed when we also told him it will take a long time. So we promised that eventually, while it’s in my tummy, he will get to feel it kick.
He was ok with this explanation but now every time I see him (which is everyday) he asks me, “Did the baby grow’d yet?”