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Thread: Aging Parents

  1. #1
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    Aging Parents

    Anyone have a website for families dealing with aging parents that is credible?

    Maybe a great book?

    Need guidance on how to cope.

  2. #2
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    That's something we all either have or will face. Perhaps a forum, or sub-forum for those who want to discuss this and start a little support group here.

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  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rick View Post
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    That's something we all either have or will face. Perhaps a forum, or sub-forum for those who want to discuss this and start a little support group here.
    Great idea! Possibly a sub-forum under Parenting and Family Discussions?
    "Any Society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both." - Benjamin Franklin

    "My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference!" - Harry Truman

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    Quote Originally Posted by Gramps View Post
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    Great idea! Possibly a sub-forum under Parenting and Family Discussions?
    Sounds like a good idea!

  6. #6
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    Ok, I will do it.

  7. #7
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    Unfortunately, we are going through this right now with my mother, and it is heartbreaking. For the last year, we have tried to keep her in her home and take care of her on our own. We wanted to have someone come into the home and care for her, but she refused to let anyone do that.

    Our biggest problem was deciding when to move her to a care facility. When was it time? Her doctor told us that this is called a "crisis decision." In other words, when we had some sort of crisis, we would know it was time. She lived in Harker Heights; we live in Salado. During the past several months, I would try to go over there at least three times a day...before school, at lunch, and after school. It finally got to the point where she would go to bed at 5:00 in the afternoon, and I couldn't get there before she had the house locked up. About four weeks ago, we had the crisis. She called a neighbor at 4:00 pm. because her smoke alarm was going off (bad battery). When the neighbor arrived, the temperature in her house was over 90 degrees. She had, for some unknown reason, turned off the air conditioner. When she opened the door to let the neighbors in, she passed out and they caught her before she hit the floor. They called 911 and then me. She was suffering from heat stroke, and didn't even realize that she was hot. I shudder to think what would have happened if that smoke alarm had not gone off.

    That's when we knew it was time. We moved her into Rosewood's Assisted Living, and she has adjusted better than we could have hoped. Her mind is rapidly getting worse, however, so we're not sure how long she will be able to stay there. She has no concept of time, so they have to walk her to meals, etc. She is losing all ability to remember how to do things, such as take a bath or change her clothes, but they help her with that. Thank goodness that she has shown no signs of "wandering." If that happens, she will not be able to stay at Rosewood, because it is not secure for that. It broke my heart to have to take her out of her home, but she is content, and that is the answer to our prayers.

    For the future, I have checked into the new Stoney Brook facility in Belton. It is brand new and set to open later this month. It is a beautiful place, but very expensive. They will have what they call the "Memory Care" section for residents with Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia.

    While we are fortunate that my mother has some assets and a monthly annuity from my deceased dad, financial planning is something that we have to consider. The plan that we have her on at Rosewood is approximately $3200/month, and her monthly income will not cover all of that. Stoney Brook's Memory Care will be $4700/month. Because my mom has some assets, she does not qualify for help from Medicare for her care. I've done some research (for example, a program for WWII veterans/spouses that pays up to $1000/month), and I've learned that I need some help in making the best decisions for the sale of her house, etc. We have an appointment with an Elder Law attorney in a couple of weeks. I've learned enough to realize that there are pitfalls along the way that can threaten our ability to protect her assets so that they will be there for her care. I would strongly suggest getting an attorney who specializes in this type of law....it changes constantly and you need someone who is up on those changes.

    This is a stressful, sad, scary, and frustrating time in life. It is the hardest thing in the world to have to become a parent to your parent. My heart goes out to all of those who are dealing with a situation like ours.

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  9. #8
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    Ugh, my last post went into cyberspace.
    I feel for you bbh. Both my grandmother and great-grand mother had altzheimers and dementia. Eventually they both had to be moved into a home for their own safety.
    It is a very painful decision, but one that has to be made.

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    Thank you, siamcat. We are so fortunate in today's world that we often have our good physical health for an extended number of years. The downside is that we often outlive our good mental health, and that is so very sad.

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  12. #10
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    Never mind, it's on another thread. Too much sun today I guess.

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