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April 7th, 2018, 9:56 PM
#1
Facts of Ageing
Nine Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older
#9 - Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
#8 - Life is sexually transmitted.
#7 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
#6 - Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
#5 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
#4 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
#3 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
#2 - In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
#1 - Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.
"A boy cannot become a girl and a man cannot become a woman, not even if he shuts his eyes and wishes really hard."
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April 9th, 2018, 4:38 PM
#2
When you redefine happy hour as a nap, you're getting old. Getting lucky means finding a quarter in the couch.
If you do not read the news you are uninformed. If you do you are misinformed. Mark Twain
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April 11th, 2018, 12:52 PM
#3
You know you're old when you no longer have dreams of wild sex, but dreams of tasty chicken dinners.
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April 11th, 2018, 3:54 PM
#4
Like me and the Mrs. the other night... I was chasing her around the house when she stopped and said "I can't remember why I am running". And then I said "That's not bad, cause I can't remember why I'm chasing you".
Or like Willie Nelson said after his last birthday.. "I outlived my pecker".
If you do not read the news you are uninformed. If you do you are misinformed. Mark Twain
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April 11th, 2018, 6:39 PM
#5
Originally Posted by
txswimmer
You know you're old when you no longer have dreams of wild sex, but dreams of tasty chicken dinners.
I'm still a youngster.
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April 12th, 2018, 8:32 AM
#6
Originally Posted by
txswimmer
You know you're old when you no longer have dreams of wild sex, but dreams of tasty chicken dinners.
What if you dream of having wild sex with an old tasty chicken during dinner?
"The difference between golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie"
John Daly
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April 12th, 2018, 10:05 AM
#7
Originally Posted by
fchafey
What if you dream of having wild sex with an old tasty chicken during dinner?
Then we'd call you a LIBERAL
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April 12th, 2018, 11:54 AM
#8
Better check and see if he stuffed the turkey last year for Thanksgiving.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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April 12th, 2018, 12:45 PM
#9
Originally Posted by
fchafey
What if you dream of having wild sex with an old tasty chicken during dinner?
well, as we used to say, some folks #### their eatin'.....others eat their ####in'.......mac
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April 18th, 2018, 8:29 PM
#10
Just discovered a new definition... When you start hurting in places where you used to not have places.
You really know you are getting there when you believe in the hereafter. You go into a room and try to remember what you're in here after.
If you do not read the news you are uninformed. If you do you are misinformed. Mark Twain
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