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Dagobert II
January 6th, 2015, 2:36 PM
Who says you can't take it with you?
Newspaper editor Arthur Brisbane once said, “The fence around a cemetery is foolish, for those inside can’t get out and those outside don’t want to get in.” However, this has not always been the case. For centuries graveyards had to content with the scourge of grave robbers who preyed on the valuables of corpses, and even the corpses themselves. This threat led to an industry solution—grave guns.

Popular in Britain until 1827 when they were outlawed, cemetery guns were built in a number of different designs. Loaded at night and left armed by the cemetery keeper until his return the next morning, the device was more night watchman than anything else. Mourners and visitors were well aware of the weapons, which were disarmed during the day and knew better than to come back after dark. Many a crafty keeper would wait until sunset to move his weapons to surprise any would be grave robbers who had scouted the ground the previous day. It was up to the keeper, of course, as to whether it was loaded with a light draw of rock salt or birdshot to pepper and scare away an intruder, or a heavier shot to maim and kill.

In 1878, a number of “Coffin Torpedoes” hit the market. One design by Phil Clover of Columbus (http://www.ohiohistorycentral.org/entry.php?rec=2701), Ohio was for an abbreviated shotgun that rested just inside the coffin lid. Once the lid was raised, the gun would fire directly into the face of the violator, discharging a number of 36-caliber lead balls.

Another inventor, Thomas N Howell, perfected two different “Grave Torpedoes.” Each was more like a landmine than any firearm. Borrowing Civil War technology, Howell’s device weighed 8-pounds and carried a charge of more than .75-pound of black powder ignited by a percussion cap. Buried atop the coffin with a protective plate above the torpedo, if disturbed the metal plate would help serve as a shape charge directed right at the would-be grave robber. An advertisement for the weapon declared that it would allow one to, ““sleep well sweet angel, let no fears of ghouls disturb thy rest, for above thy shrouded form lies a torpedo, ready to make minced meat of anyone who attempts to convey you to the pickling vat.”

In 1881 at least three men were killed when one such device ignited during a late night traipse through the cemeteries near Gann in Knox County, Ohio.

Source: http://www.guns.com/2012/08/06/cemetery-guns-grave-torpedoes/

...or you could just be cremated.

sojourner truth
January 6th, 2015, 5:46 PM
Pardon the pun, but that sounds like overkill.