Mean Mommy Award

[FieryPrincess]

I win the award for today.

I have been telling me son that all his homework had to be completed before I would let him go Trick or Treating. He didn't bring his math homework home Tuesday, so we doubled up on the reading homework. That way, I reasoned, he would have double math on Wednesday and then Trick or Treat Well....

The homework didn't come home today either. There was no Wednesday homework (his teacher figured they would be busy anyway) but that Tuesday homework still isn't done.

So... no trick or treating this year. Even though it's a once-a-year thing.


I feel mean, but I figure that:
1) I need to follow through on what I said was going to happen
2) He needs to learn that his disorganization causes undesired consequences
3) He had the power to make things happen for himself and he chose not to.

I did say he could still put on his costume and pass out candy to trick-or-treaters that stop by.

I have no idea how many hardy souls that will be. It is 18 and dropping quickly with a nice brisk wind. (Although I understand last year it was -14)

[xzochye]

I probably would have taken him Trick or Treating but my punishment would be taking all of his candy for myself!

[sojourner truth]

Now THAT is a mean mommy.

Mrs. Truth and I are still feeling a little guilty because we waited to give away the Almond Joys until last...Oh my, what do you know? There is at least half a bag left today. Wonder who is going to have to eat them? :)

[christine]

That's ok kids usually don't like the almond joys anyway. Don't feel bad about saving them for last lol

[FieryPrincess]

We went through two large bowls. I didn't see too many costume. I saw LOTS of coats lol.

He decided to give out candy after all. At one point, he put on his snow gear and was meeting people halfway down the driveway!

[Scarlett]

Personally I would never have given that as a punishment. But that is just me. I respect that you followed through...as would I. I just wouldn't have ever suggested that would be the punishment...mine would be more along the lines of doing dishes every night for a month...

[FieryPrincess]

So precisely what is wrong with expecting a child to complete their homework before going out to trick or treat (or party or any of a million other things?)

Why isn't it his fault for not bringing it home to do two nights in a row?

it isn't a punishment for a special day. It is a carry over of regular expectations that happened to fall on a special day and make the consequences seem that much worse.

[Ludwig]

Behavior ought have consequences and those ought to be consistently applied with no quarter given for special events.

[sojourner truth]

I saw the result of no consequence for bad behaviour last night... As nice as the kiddos were, there is always at least one stinker who is obnoxiuos or rude. One little boy, about 6 or 7, knocked on the door with his sister alongside. When I opened the door, he never said "trick or treat" or anything, for that matter. Then he strolled into the house without so much as giving me a look and started grabbing handfuls of candy off of the table we had the bowl on. I told him to knock it off, and he strolled back out having grabbed 3 candy bars. His mom and dad were hiding in the dark in the far corner of the driveway and told him "I told you not to do that any more". Evidently, this had happened before, and was his modus opperendi for trick or treating.

Of course, he never bought the extra candy back, his sister just stood there shocked, and they all went hurriedly back on to the street. If he would have been my kid, the first time he did that, I'd take him straight home. Of course after making him take the extra candy back and apollogizing to his victim. I can only assume the parents didn't want to put up with the tantrum if they punished him.

It took me totally by surprise. If I hadn't stopped the kid, he'd have grabbed the whole bowl. I'm so glad that was the only incident all night.

Isn't it a shame that that will probably be the thing I will remember about this Halloween?

[FieryPrincess]

A friend of mine in Vegas noted that there was a teen who couldn't even get off his cell phone to say Trick or Treat!

I told him to keep a few salt packets around for those kids next year.

[siamcat]

I think the important thing and one you can be proud of is that you chose a punishment and stuck with it.
While some of us might have chosen a different punishment, the important part is saying what you mean and not waffle. That teaches kids that for each action there is a consequence and they learn to become responsible for their actions.
It's hard to be mean mom or dad, but in the end the kids will benefit and it's our job.

[sojourner truth]

Well, in our house, it is "mean dad". My wife always made me administer the tough punishments. Pretty smart. That way dad was always the jerk and mom was always the softie.

That's why she always gets the best Mothers day cards, and I get a postcard.:))

[FieryPrincess]

Daddy isn't home enough to be the mean one. :(

He was off on another TDY. He is gone 50-75% of any given month since the school year start. I really hope it slows down.

[sojourner truth]

I really don't know how modern day soldiers and their wives do it. My wife and I were both in for 20 years, and never got deployed at the same time except when she went to the Sergeants Major academy for 2 weeks. Then Desert storm and shield hit right when we both got out. I was Mr. mom for a year while she was in Saudi, and that was a really great time for my daughter and I to bond a lot closer.

But today, the soldier parent is gone more than they are home. It has to be rough on the ones left at home. The kids, especially. But just as I had to learn how to be the "nice Mr. mom", the wives left behind have to learn how to be firm. It does give you a new perspective on your mates..that's for sure.

[FieryPrincess]

I am this far < > from having a tantrum in Chief's office. I would not be the first wife to do so.

I am very tired of piss-poor leadership. More and more leaders just aren't leaders. They care nothing about their troops and they are too ball-less to make sure that other units know that our unit has limits.

I watched same sort of thing happen during his second deployment over in Iraq. He was so stressed during that tour that all the color disappeared from his eyes. When he left the states, they were an icy green color. When he came back, they were gray.

[Scarlett]

One of my neighbors handed out prunes and raisins to kids who were not in costume or just appeared too old to be trick or treating. I thought that was a pretty cool idea. They had two bowls...one with candy bars and one with prunes and raisins...

Although, my son really is young enough to still go but he is the size of a high school junior so he wasn't happy to get raisins. (He was dressed like a hot dog...)

[liessemsed]

I did that last year with my daughter. She is usually a fairly easy-going kid, and she decided to have an epic, knock down, drag out fit right after school last Halloween. I mean slamming doors, throwing books, screaming bloody murder at the top of her lungs. I went into her room and told her calmly that she had 15 minutes to calm herself and become decent so she could go trick or treating. A book was thrown at my head, and the fit continued for an hour longer. Finally she came out, nice and calm. She apologized and we ventured into her room to clean it up. She tore up a book, broke the blinds in her bedroom, and took all the bedding off her bed, plus nearly every toy in the room was thrown, including her brother's Hot Wheels, which left nice indentations in the wall. We cleaned it up, and then I broke it to her that there was no way she was going Trick or Treating after that. Insert another 30 minute fit... The next morning she woke up, apologized, and when I asked her what set her off, she didn't even know. She was four years old at the time, and thank God she hasn't had a tantrum of that magnitude since. I was the mean mom last year. It's all good... ;)

[siamcat]

I did that last year with my daughter. She is usually a fairly easy-going kid, and she decided to have an epic, knock down, drag out fit right after school last Halloween. I mean slamming doors, throwing books, screaming bloody murder at the top of her lungs. I went into her room and told her calmly that she had 15 minutes to calm herself and become decent so she could go trick or treating. A book was thrown at my head, and the fit continued for an hour longer. Finally she came out, nice and calm. She apologized and we ventured into her room to clean it up. She tore up a book, broke the blinds in her bedroom, and took all the bedding off her bed, plus nearly every toy in the room was thrown, including her brother's Hot Wheels, which left nice indentations in the wall. We cleaned it up, and then I broke it to her that there was no way she was going Trick or Treating after that. Insert another 30 minute fit... The next morning she woke up, apologized, and when I asked her what set her off, she didn't even know. She was four years old at the time, and thank God she hasn't had a tantrum of that magnitude since. I was the mean mom last year. It's all good... ;)

My daughter was the queen of tantrums at that age. At age five she slammed her door so hard on her thumb it broke it.
Now she's itty bitty and nobody wanted to believe she did that to herself. They kept asking me if I was sure it was not the car door. Lucky for me her pediatrician knew me and her well or I might have had to deal with social services.

[skindog]

While home on R&R last July, I kept reminding my eldest daughter to clean her room, she's 11. After 3 days, I'd had enough, so at about 4 PM, I told her she had an hour to clean her room, before I cleaned it for her. I proceeded to get a large black trash bag out of the cabinet, and started walking to her room. I hung it over her door, and she started bawling like I'd never heard her do before. Mind you, she's my "good girl" who's generally got me wrapped around her little pinky and does well in school, but I was done playing nice about her cleaning up her room.

Lucky for her, a few minutes before her time was up, her mom showed up and saved her. My daughter's face was red and you could see the dried streaks from the tears. Her mom went in and helped her get it done right before her time was up. I never had to ask her to clean up her room the rest of the time I was home on R&R...

I've always been the "bad cop" when it came to our children. My Ex still has disciplinary issues stemming from her never enforcing her threats, and still tells the kids "don't make me get your father". She pays for it routinely while I'm playing in the sand over here.

[siamcat]

While home on R&R last July, I kept reminding my eldest daughter to clean her room, she's 11. After 3 days, I'd had enough, so at about 4 PM, I told her she had an hour to clean her room, before I cleaned it for her. I proceeded to get a large black trash bag out of the cabinet, and started walking to her room. I hung it over her door, and she started bawling like I'd never heard her do before. Mind you, she's my "good girl" who's generally got me wrapped around her little pinky and does well in school, but I was done playing nice about her cleaning up her room.

Lucky for her, a few minutes before her time was up, her mom showed up and saved her. My daughter's face was red and you could see the dried streaks from the tears. Her mom went in and helped her get it done right before her time was up. I never had to ask her to clean up her room the rest of the time I was home on R&R...

I've always been the "bad cop" when it came to our children. My Ex still has disciplinary issues stemming from her never enforcing her threats, and still tells the kids "don't make me get your father". She pays for it routinely while I'm playing in the sand over here.

While I understand your frustration at being the " bad cop", it is very hard to be both mom and dad to your children while you spouse is gone. It caused and still causes many problems between my hubby and me.
While the other one is gone we do what we have to to get through it. We enforce discipline, keep fears away, monitor school work, keep fears away, take care of the house and staying sane.
Sometimes we let three be even. During that time we forge a bond and a special relationship with our kids, that maybe makes you feel left out. But most of us try to include the absent spouse as much as possible.
I can never understand the bond you forge with buddies you served with overseas, you can't understand what we did to survive emotionally while you were gone. When your kids worry about their dads life, a clean room is trivial.

Intentionally making the other parent the bad guy is wrong, and I tried not to do that.

[skindog]

I would say that I'm always made out to be the "bad cop" on purpose, primarily so that if given the choice, they would choose my Ex, and that's the reason she always chooses the "good cop" role. It's infuriating at times, especially when I'm not there to defend the notion or dispel misinformation.

I am absolutely certain that when my children are old enough, I will be more than happy to give them my interpretation of events, since there's almost always 3 sides to every story; what they say, what you say, and the truth. People forget how good your children are at detecting lies.

[lovetoread]

I was lucky to have good friends that were like family. My son adores his kindergarten teacher and now in his 20s he still does. I had had it with not bringing home homework . She picked him up at school and proceeded to empty his locker. She calls to check on him and you hear, yes mam over and over. He works at HEB and several other teachers check up on him.i helped my friends and they helped me. I remember my next door neighbor had a colicky baby and a husband in the field. I took the baby that night and she got some sleep. My husband helps more now that he is retired. I don't deal with my daughter. She is 17 and when she slams her door, mumbles at me under her breath or what really sets me off is the eye roll and her mouth. She gets home and he is already there. I just have to walk away. If there was a punishment that made my children more responsible about homework I need it. My mother once told me teenagers are invincible, smarter than their parents and selfish. Problem is my sister caused the sleepless nights and her children love school and homework. Why did I get paid back for her problems.

[olderthandirt]

My teenagers got motivated to hand in homework and quit rolling their eyes by a simple pair of words. The most powerful ones in the universe? Car. Keys. Solved all my problems, especially when I wouldn't taxi them to work or school and they had to rely on their friends or walk. Good luck!

[xzochye]

My teenagers got motivated to hand in homework and quit rolling their eyes by a simple pair of words. The most powerful ones in the universe? Car. Keys. Solved all my problems, especially when I wouldn't taxi them to work or school and they had to rely on their friends or walk. Good luck!

But what did you do before they had car keys? LOL

[olderthandirt]

But what did you do before they had car keys? LOL
My other two favorite words. Scrub. Toilets!

[Gramps]

OTD, knowing all four of your kids, I'm surprised you had that problem with any of them…

Well,maybe one or two.:))