The in-laws

[onetime]

My wife and I are fairly young and expecting a baby boy in a month or so. My in-laws are those in-laws that seem to think that their daughter's way and their way is the gospel. I'm lean pretty heavy to the right fiscally regarding personal finance and my in-laws are the polar opposite of what I would consider a sound household considering finances. They locked my wife into a poor car loan, time share, and credit cards.

We have been married a few years and we have cleared about 50k in debts mainly my wife's. We still have student loans too boot. My in-laws visit from Dallas once or twice a month and my wife gives them gas money and we take them out to eat almost every time, initially I had a problem with both, but I cut it down to the gas only. So we spend about $100 times per visit easy.

When our boy comes my wife asked if they would come down to babysit seeing as our careers would prevent us from being home all the time. We are going to pay her parents $600 a month for 6 months, personally i'm a little torn. On one hand I'd rather pay family then a a stranger on the other hand I think it sets a odd precedent.

Her parents are currently on vacation in a few islands and called yesterday wanting to know if we could pay for their return flight, it's only $100, but it's the principal of the matter. Why plan so poorly? They have a live for today worry about tomorrow lifestyle that rubs me so raw. I can't for the life of me understand why it seems as if we are the get out of jail free card. I've explained to my wife that she's only enabling her folks but nada.

What's the problem? Am I not being sympathetic by telling my wife say no? We have joint accounts so we check with each other on evert thing and I've never given my parents gas money for their visits.

[sojourner truth]

Tell them "gee, sorry, we'd like to help but can't afford to right now" and see what happens. If their answer is that they know you can afford to, then they know way too much about your finances. On the other hand, I almost envy you. All our our families on both sides are dead and gone. I'd kind of like having a mother in law to chat with now ans again.

[Ludwig]

She is enabling her parents and you are enabling her to do so. It's time that those in-laws heard "We love you, but NO. We have our own family to consider and if you cannot afford to do something on your own dime then just don't do it."

[onetime]

Tell them "gee, sorry, we'd like to help but can't afford to right now" and see what happens. If their answer is that they know you can afford to, then they know way too much about your finances. On the other hand, I almost envy you. All our our families on both sides are dead and gone. I'd kind of like having a mother in law to chat with now ans again.

You know when you put it like that it puts the situation in a different perspective. My goals for our family are completely different then my in-laws I think they have been brought up with the idea that the children are there to care for the elderly where as I've been raised that you should live now like no other so later you can live like no other. The Dave Ramsey mantra I kind of like it, we have made numerous sacrifices to be able to pay off these debts and we closing in and it always seems as if we are just carrying and carrying them. My parents both have full time careers, so they do not participate as much in our lives but they help out or provide in their own way, I know if I ever needed anything for our newborn we could ask them. I am just disappointed in the decisions my wife chooses to make on the matter, it comes off a little selfish I my opinion.

[siamcat]

Family matters can be tricky.

When my husband was deployed in Desert Storm I found out that his dad had become homeless from one of his sisters. Now all three sisters lived in Michigan and nobody did anything. I send him gas money and told him to come on down. He stayed with us for three years.
He's was a difficult man at times and an alcoholic, but in my heart I could not let him live on the streets.
After a year we found him a job, with me filling out applications for him. When we received orders for germany he wanted to come and I told my husband "Hell, no" and he supported that. We found another old guy at the VFW who rented him a room and that worked out well. Unfortunately he died just before our son was born and one of my husbands sisters actually told my husband it was his fault for leaving him behind. I was so mad.
We had to settle his affairs and I realized that his sister would be like vultures. So I told hubby if he wanted anything we better claim it right away. (There was nothing of value). He wanted his moms leather jacket and we kept the photo albums with making copies ( and paying for them) for anybody who wanted some.

I would tell the in-laws that you're sorry but with a baby on the way you can't afford to anymore. It's not like they're starving if they can vacations.

[onetime]

Family matters can be tricky.

When my husband was deployed in Desert Storm I found out that his dad had become homeless from one of his sisters. Now all three sisters lived in Michigan and nobody did anything. I send him gas money and told him to come on down. He stayed with us for three years.
He's was a difficult man at times and an alcoholic, but in my heart I could not let him live on the streets.
After a year we found him a job, with me filling out applications for him. When we received orders for germany he wanted to come and I told my husband "Hell, no" and he supported that. We found another old guy at the VFW who rented him a room and that worked out well. Unfortunately he died just before our son was born and one of my husbands sisters actually told my husband it was his fault for leaving him behind. I was so mad.
We had to settle his affairs and I realized that his sister would be like vultures. So I told hubby if he wanted anything we better claim it right away. (There was nothing of value). He wanted his moms leather jacket and we kept the photo albums with making copies ( and paying for them) for anybody who wanted some.

I would tell the in-laws that you're sorry but with a baby on the way you can't afford to anymore. It's not like they're starving if they can vacations.

Very sad story and three years, that's patient very patient of you. I have been biting my tongue with them about how we "don't spend our money" they love to tell me that you'll always have bills. It drives me insane.

[siamcat]

The only bills we have are utilities and the only money we owe is our mortgage.
You're doing the right thing by not buying into the buy now pay later scheme. I would really put your future child as the reason you can't give them money as the reason.
Stick to your guns and I hope your wife will support you when you put the kids need in the forefront.

[CenTexDave]

You better put an end to this now or it will just get worse. Do what ST recommended.

[sojourner truth]

I had to do this with my sister, the ultimate scam artist. She used to milk my dad with sob stories about not having enough money to buy her medications etc...When my dad died, she started hitting me and my wife up. The money I sent her went from $100 every 2 or 3 months to $200 a month when I told her "no more". I talked to her husband and discovered that she was buying pain medication and cigarettes with the money. Well, the threatening and harrassing phone call came next, and we actually had to change our phone number to stop it all. She then started calling the police to come by the house and try to get me to call. I finally told the cops not to bother any more. After a year and a half, the BS finally came to an end. She eventually died of a drug overdose about 3 months ago. I can at least feel good knowing that my money wasn't responsible for buying the drugs.

Things like this, if not stopped short quickly, can spiral out of control.

[Grammar Rules]

What they all said! Good old Ann Landers, the advice columnist, used to say, "No one takes advantage of you without your permission." If y'all sit down and make out a family budget that includes child care and savings along with the fixed bills and you have enough left over to contribute an amount per month to the folks, great. If not, "Sorry, can't afford it this month."

I miss my in-laws, but I'm gonna tell you, it's darned lucky I never had to move my mother-in-law in when my babies were born. I'd a' been in jail. Good luck with that move-in "temporarily" plan. :(

[BobKerley]

Can you divorce your in-laws?

j/k

well, maybe not. LOL

[BobKerley]

Gee... I'd like to put that $600 towards a 529 plan...

or a different program (I'm not a financial planner but I dont advocate a 529 account)

.

[CenTexDave]

Why not? It's tax free for educational purposes. I had them for both of my kids and they sure helped.

[BobKerley]

It's a good program. It's just that I think the same goals can be met without the limitations of a 529

It does, however, make for a good excuse not to have to give money to grand parents who should be concerned about the future of their grandchildren. Matter of fact, it would be good to open one up just to encourage the grandparents to donate to it.

.