Can you help?

[Voice-of-Reason]

Not sure this is even appropriate, but here goes ...

My mother is ill in the hospital. On the back of an aneurysm and stroke 4 years ago, the outlook is 50/50. I'm just asking for a few prayers.

Thank you guys! :-)

[christine]

well I think its perfectly fine to make such a request on here.
I hope she gets better soon. I know how diffcult it is when family is that sick.

[stormy]

My thoughts are with you and you mom, VOR!

[Night Owl]

ditto

[skipster]

I will keep you and your mom in my prayers.

[RalphCossey]

Gracious Lord,

Only you know the outcome of these events. And we pray your will be done in all things. We only ask that you grant peace to the family of this mother while you deliver your grace to those around her. Let her doctors be enlightened by Your Power and touched by our mighty hand.

Let Your Love surround the family now as we here come together in one accord to give You the praise and acknowledge Your power to turn all things to good for Your Son’s name’s sake.

In the Holy name of Jesus we ask, Amen.

[Voice-of-Reason]

Thank you!

[Texas Immigrant]

Prayer is always appropriate. I'll pray.

[Night Owl]

Prayer always helps.

[Voice-of-Reason]

Prayer is always appropriate. I'll pray.
The power of prayer transcends religion, culture, and personal belief. I've seen it time and again. To focus the mind with intent could quite possibly be the strongest force in the universe.

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR KINDNESS! :-)

[Night Owl]

VOR
how is your Mother doing? I pray much better.

[Voice-of-Reason]

VOR
how is your Mother doing? I pray much better.
They're operating tomorrow. It's risky, because she has a weak heart.

I guess this is it. I'm going to approach this with a "glass is half full" attitude and believe that the operation will be successful, and everything will be fine. At 55 she's too young to leave us. I suppose that's up to a higher power, but I wish she could stay around to see her grandchildren, which haven't been conceived yet. Would also be nice for the kids to have a grandma :-)

I'll send an extra dose of prayer for the next 24 hours!

And again, I thank you guys for your thoughts and prayers! You have no idea how much that means to us.

[Rick]

Keep us posted with her progress.

Prayer is a powerful thing!

[reader]

Keep us posted on how your mother is doing, Voice...she will certainly be in our prayers...

[Voice-of-Reason]

She made it through surgery! :-)

She has been asleep all day. The test results for her kidneys don't look too good. They are monitoring that. She will remain in the ICU for now.

PS: Texas Immigrant, I did get your PM, and I responded, but my Sent folder is empty, so I'm not sure if you got it. Let me know. If not, I'll send it again.

[Texas Immigrant]

I got it, thanks. We'll keep the prayers coming!

[Night Owl]

Great news!!!!

[RalphCossey]

Praise God. And congratulations.

[Voice-of-Reason]

The doctors are saying she is relatively stable, but they're waiting on some test results to see how to proceed. Of course the doctor had a tone in his voice as if "This doesn't look too good," but maybe I was just imagining it. I feel so helpless. The stroke really took its toll on her body. I hope and pray that she can bounce back from this.

She is very weak, and can't speak for long. It's painful to see that.

But I try not to dwell on the negative. She came back from her aneurysm/stroke, when everyone told us she would not make it past 72 hours. Miracles are plentiful, if you believe in them. So here we go.

[FieryPrincess]

because of innate differences in the physiology, a female can bounce back from a stroke better than a male can.

I have kept y'all in my thoughts.

[Voice-of-Reason]

Update:

They put my mom in a regular room now. :-)

Here's the deal, she is not cooperating much. She can be very stubborn. Add some depression to that, and you have a patient who is basically giving up. This is very hard for me to swallow, but I know that side of her, the part that makes her sulk and *wanting* to be miserable, basically telling everyone to leave her alone.

I'm not sure how to affect the current situation, or if that is even possible. If she's not willing, what can a person do?? I'm lost!

Thank you all for your thoughts prayers. You helped in stabilizing her, and getting her out of ICU. I'm not sure what's next.

Thank you!

[Night Owl]

Great news.

The only thing I can suggest is just let her know you are there and you love her.

My dad had a heart attack about 5 years ago and he gave up. There was nothing the doctors or the family could do. He wanted to be with his wife more than he wanted to live.

My prayers are still with you and your family.

[catdog]

VOR I am also praying for you. I feel your pain it is very hard to see the strong Mother you grew up with so very weak. I went through that with my mom as well. God Bless you both.

[Rick]

I don't know if it would do any good, but you might want to print these messages and show them to her. Let her know that there is a small group of people who don't know her yet they taking the time to write best wishes and offering up prayers. Who knows, it couldn't hurt.

There are a lot of support groups online as well.

[Voice-of-Reason]

I don't know if it would do any good, but you might want to print these messages and show them to her. Let her know that there is a small group of people who don't know her yet they taking the time to write best wishes and offering up prayers. Who knows, it couldn't hurt.

There are a lot of support groups online as well.
You know what? I'm actually going to do that. Thanks for the idea!

[Texas Immigrant]

They just had an interview with a man that had a stroke on KWTX. I guess this gentleman had a stroke about 4 years ago, and had words of encouragement for those that have had strokes. Maybe you can see if they have the story video on the web if you missed it.

[The Torii Fox]

Update:

They put my mom in a regular room now. :-)

Here's the deal, she is not cooperating much. She can be very stubborn. Add some depression to that, and you have a patient who is basically giving up. This is very hard for me to swallow, but I know that side of her, the part that makes her sulk and *wanting* to be miserable, basically telling everyone to leave her alone.

I'm not sure how to affect the current situation, or if that is even possible. If she's not willing, what can a person do?? I'm lost!

Thank you all for your thoughts prayers. You helped in stabilizing her, and getting her out of ICU. I'm not sure what's next.

Thank you!


That sounds exactly like my dad when he had a heart attack and double bypass surgery about 12 years ago. I think I can sympathize. My heart goes out to you and her. I had no answer then and I have no answer now, but I was definitely angry at my dad for putting me in a position of even having to worry about that. For him, too stubborn to let people help him also meant too stubborn to go down without a fight. He is not in the best of health now and sure didn't follow doctors orders, but he is still kickin. I hope both of you come out of it stronger.

[Charles Grubb]

VOR:
It never is up to us, even though we think it is. God isn't stubborn, He's patient and gentle. His patience and love will overcome man's innate stubborness everytime.

I've been very ill in my life. I should be dead today. But, God keeps me here for reasons I fail to fully understand. God is using me, and I'm sure He'll continue to use your mother, too! It is always in God's hands.

I've asked God to do His will. Your mother will, no doubt, be surprised when she has been healed completely. The Greatest Physician, man has ever loved, has her in His hands. God bless.


I've heard people say "It's God's will" or "I'll just leave it up to God" when faced with a serious illness or tragedy. Don't fall into that trap. God wants us to pray to him for help. In Luke 18:1 Jesus told his disciples that they "should always pray and not give up." and then Jesus asked "...will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night?" Pray to God from your heart for healing. Don't stop. Don't give up. God wants us to ask him for help. He loves us.

http://www.healingscripture.com/

[MissElmo]

I will pray for her quick recovery.

[Voice-of-Reason]

You guys are remarkable! :-)

Thank you!

[Sapphirelover]

You got one from me. God Bless you and your family.

[Texas Immigrant]

Just watched another story on KWTX. There is a support group in Waco for people that have had a stroke and also for their caregivers. The link is said to be on the KWTX website, the name of the group is called Waco Stroke Club.

[Voice-of-Reason]

Just watched another story on KWTX. There is a support group in Waco for people that have had a stroke and also for their caregivers. The link is said to be on the KWTX website, the name of the group is called Waco Stroke Club.
Thank you, but my mother is in Germany.

I learned a few things over the past week that I didn't know. Apparently my mom quit physical therapy two years ago, because she didn't feel like it anymore (I had no clue). Everyone, including the doctors, are saying that she could be back on her feet by now. She simply quit. She applied for (and received) several pieces of medical equipment, designed to practice walking on. They were never used. On her most recent hospital report, she was categorized as an extremely difficult patient to care for. She never cooperated, snapped at the staff, bossed them around, etc.

This makes me sad, but also a bit angry. My great-grandmother used to do things like that. She actually enjoyed being ill. That's when everyone showed up and waited on her. She would order people around and have everyone feel sorry for her. She seemed to enjoy that immensely. One specific example was last week, when my aunt was there. My aunt tried to move her from the bed to the wheelchair. This is quite a task, because my mother has gained a lot of weight and is fairly heavy. Anyways, in the middle of the procedure, she says, "I'm too tired for this," collapses her knee and just drops to the floor. Then she barked at my aunt to get her a hair brush (What???). My aunt had to call for help to get my mom in the wheelchair. Then my mom proceeded to do business all over herself, almost as an act of defiance, like "I show you, now you have to get me back out of the chair again."

We're all at our wits end. We don't know anymore. My grandfather, who just had a mild stroke, will go help my mom with minor things around the house (whatever he can do at 77). She will do her little thing to the point where he will go in the car and start crying his eyes out. It's like she enjoys the attention and the power and exploits people's compassion. You know, being able to order people around because they feel sorry for you?

She lies to me all the time. I noticed that, she kind of lights up on the phone, whenever I tell her how worried we are, and how much we care for her and want her to get better. So I tried something different this past weekend. I said that "I wish you would get better, but I won't worry anymore. I won't stress it, because it's up to you now. If you don't want to, then there's nothing I can do about." It wasn't easy to be this harsh, but I noticed that her tune changed. At first, she acted in her usual way, with her usual, depressed, *woe is me* attitude. After my comments, she totally changed. I know she's just plucking people's heartstrings.

I'm sad and frustrated. I tell myself that she put herself in this situation. She had every opportunity to turn it around, but she is too stubborn and rather have people do things for her, as opposed to make an effort to get better.

Can anyone identify with me on this? I don't want to sound like a jerk, but there is a tremendous feeling of helplessness that translates into frustration. You just want to scream "I love you so much, and I want you to get better, so you can enjoy your life again," you know?

:(

[stormy]

That has absolutely got to be frustrating for you. It's hard when a parent just stops caring about themselves, or becomes so depressed they don't want to do anything to help themself. On the one hand, you feel guilty taking that harshness with them because it's your parent, and you love them. On the other hand, if you don't do something else, they may never get better, or see what they're doing to everyone else. It is very hurtfull to see a parent just let go of life like that. It sounds like you've got a good game plan though. Keep up the good fight. If anything, you can always feel like you did everything you could do. We are only human and can only do so much. But, I so understand the helpless feeling.

[FieryPrincess]

That sounds a lot like my mom - she needs to be sick so that she can get some attention. Anything she could do to help herself, she just won't do.

It is a tough situation and there are no easy answers.

[Voice-of-Reason]

Mom is in the hospital again. She's dazed, not quite there. She appears comfortable and looks peaceful, as if an angel has come to take away all her fears. Usually that means one thing. Now I look two posts up and think, how could I write something like that?

I've been randomly breaking down and bawling for the past two days.

[Charles Grubb]

Mom is in the hospital again. She's dazed, not quite there. She appears comfortable and looks peaceful, as if an angel has come to take away all her fears. Usually that means one thing. Now I look two posts up and think, how could I write something like that?

I've been randomly breaking down and bawling for the past two days.

All any of us can ever do for another person is love them.
Carrying you may have been hard for your mother, nevertheless, she birthed you.
She gave you life.
She loved you the best she knew how.
My mother and father have both passed on to another life.
I miss them more every day.
So, all you have to do is love her, tolerate her, and be kind to her.
We all will walk that last walk.
Now is not the time to criticize, but to appreciate.
Now is the time to just love her.

[JoAnn Purser]

Can anyone identify with me on this? I don't want to sound like a jerk, but there is a tremendous feeling of helplessness that translates into frustration. You just want to scream "I love you so much, and I want you to get better, so you can enjoy your life again," you know?

:(


Voice,

My mother (82 years) last year reached a critical stage.

She had her 2nd angioplasty in one year and while at the hospital we noticed a sore on her nose bleeding.

She barely recovered from the angio as we took her to a surgeon for the quarter size cancerous sore to be removed.

The doctor placed a graft on her nose that I had to keep moist and clean for weeks till the graft bandages were removed.

She then got shingles.

So for weeks we were addressing the need for viral meds and pain relievers.
I felt like the character in Shirley McLaines movie "Terms of Endearment" ..."Just give her the medicine!!!!!!!"

My mom too would lie to the home health care nurses about her condition. She would tell them to leave or not need anything and then get so ill or have the worst pain because of the lack of honesty of how she really felt.

Now that she is better and has no illness ...knock wood....she tries to eat better everyday and takes better care of herself since she wants to live alone. She still tries to hide colds and sniffles from me but I remind her of how bad pnuemonia is on her and that she would have to stay at a hospital overnight if she got that ill again and then she gets back on track.

To get her to go to a doctor for a check up is much easier now. We had to get a doctor to reprimand her for waiting to get so ill that she would go to the emergency room or take an ambulance. We haven't had one of those calls in months.

It is a strange roll to play in your adult life with aging parents. I try to make the best decisions for her and because my two sisters do not live here I am making most of the tough ones. I love their support....Oh Mom will be fine...She is so difficult...I wouldn't put up with that....She needs to take better care of herself....all from the comfort of their living room or cell phone.

All the best,

JoAnn

[cityboy]

At the first sign of serious infirmity, I will begin saving up my medication, along with a bottle of booze. I will never put my kids through anything like that. I'd rather just be done with it. I like what the Eskimos supposedly do -- the old ones go out on an ice floe by themselves and adios. They know when it's time to go ...

[Voice-of-Reason]

She keeps slipping further away each day. Being the next of kin, I would be the one to make the decision. Strangely, I am calm.

What would you do?

[Texas Immigrant]

I am 37 years old and my mom died of cancer 6 years ago. It was very difficult. My son was almost 2 and my daughter was 3 months old. She made the decision before it got really bad. She decided to go with hospice care, so she passed away in the family home. We really didn't have any decisions to make. You know what your mom would want, and that's what is important.

[Voice-of-Reason]

We never talked about this stuff :(

[FieryPrincess]

If it were me, I know that my dad would want to go quickly - without much extra cost or fuss. I know that my mom would want to be as pain free as possible but would not want to linger if she wasn't really herself anymore.

Based on what I know about them, I would be able to make a decision. I would then want to be alone and weep for quite awhile.

[stormy]

Our parents are our parents. All we can do is love them and take it one step at a time and roll with the punches. I may not agree with things they do or say, but they're still my parents. It took me until I was 30 to realize that, and before I did, it was drama, drama, drama. I may have thought I was right, but fighting them on it was not the answer. I just follow my heart & do the best I can to keep us all moving forward to the future, whatever that may be. I'm not dealing with any death issues, but someday I'll be there, so I value what we do have now. You can't change parents. They are the way they are. All you can do is your best to show them the love & support you have for them. But, they did raise me, so I'm happy to remind them (or blame them depending on the situation :) ) of that.

[cityboy]

Man, I just don't know what to say ... I tried unsuccessfully to take care of my mother, as she was dying from a brain tumor. I wasn't a very good caregiver, at all. In fact, I was lousy.

[Charles Grubb]

She keeps slipping further away each day. Being the next of kin, I would be the one to make the decision. Strangely, I am calm.

What would you do?


Gad makes all decisions.

God will decide when He wants to call your mother.

Your mother might be here long after you and I are called home!

I'd be as calm as you are.

There is nothing that we can do, even though we delude ourselves into believing there is!

[JoAnn Purser]

Man, I just don't know what to say ... I tried unsuccessfully to take care of my mother, as she was dying from a brain tumor. I wasn't a very good caregiver, at all. In fact, I was lousy.

You couldn't have been that lousy if you cared for her....That's all you can do when we are needed.

Being there is much more than many do.

Maybe your skills weren't perfect but at least you were there.

Don't beat yourself up for lacking nuturing / cooking /cleaning skills...not all of us are wired that way.

Remember that just your presence is a sign of respect.

JoAnn

[cityboy]

Thank you, JoAnn, that was nice of you to say. I'll always feel I let her down, though ....

[FieryPrincess]

No one every feels like they have done enough. As a teacher, cityboy, you'll feel that as part of your everyday job - why wouldn't you feel it even more as a son?

[cityboy]

Well, if I had actually done everything I could have for her, it might be different. But I honestly did not. Like I said, I am about as far from being a caregiver as one can get. I handled things piss-poorly, and that's just the truth ...

[Voice-of-Reason]

I have been drinking a few cold ones each night to take the edge off.

I hope 2010 will be a better year. It sure seems like things are coming to a cusp. Maybe that whole 2012 deal has some truth to it. Life just sucks right now :(

[Voice-of-Reason]

My mother passed away peacefully in her sleep last night.

I want to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers!

[Night Owl]

VOR, I am so sorry to hear about your mother.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[CenTexDave]

My sincerest condolences. Hang in there.

[Texas Immigrant]

I'm sorry for your loss. I pray peace and comfort for your family.

[Voice-of-Reason]

Thanks guys! It means a lot!

[stormy]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. So sorry to hear about your mother. And, a personal thanks from me for sharing such a personal story with us.

[Rick]

So sorry to hear that. Will be saying a few prayers for you and your family. I am sure she knew how much you cared.

[JoAnn Purser]

I am so sorry about your mother. You and your family are in my prayers.

JoAnn

[Phantomwarrior]

My mother passed away peacefully in her sleep last night.

I want to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers!


I am very sorry for your loss and I offer up a prayer for you and your whole family. God bless you.

[Voice-of-Reason]

You know, I don't mind sharing personal matters. I don't mind sharing that I am a man and perfectly capable of crying my eyes out.

In a time like this, I realized what's important. There's no one who can take away the pain. There's no one who can improve the dreadful journey I am embarking on. My wife is frustrated that she can't fix this to the point of depression. But you know what? No one can "fix" this. No one can comfort me. All you can do is be there. Nothing more, nothing less. Just being there means SO much, I can't begin to express it. Being in the presence of people that care, especially people that never ever met me, is such a comforting feeling. The empathy of others is what helps me get through this. It is also the one thing that helps me retain my faith in humanity.

I don't mind sharing this journey with you, and I don't mind sharing the following ... When I received THE phone call that my mother had passed, I told my wife that I needed a moment to myself. I closed the door and looked out of the window at the stars, while my wife sat outside the door (almost standing guard). I managed to go to bed that night. At some point I vividly felt someone touch my feet and tuck on my sheet. I jumped up! It startled me. This never happened to me before. I told my wife about my experience the next day. She said that she also felt my mom's presence in our house that night.

I feel like my mother gave me her last goodbyes. I haven't felt anything since. My aunt tells me that my mom needs her rest, so she's taking a break right now. She truly has been trough a lot. She had been bedridden for the past few months. I can't even imagine what it must have been like. She was checked by the doctors from head to toe several times. Physically she was fine; she simply didn't want to go on anymore. When she was moved from ICU to a regular room, she called out for her mom, who died last December. She passed two days later. I'm sure they are having coffee and cake right now, just the way they used to have before my grandma died. This was a deliverance! I'm sad, but I know my mother is happy now.

Thank you!

[Deb]

I am sorry for your loss, VOR. I also lost my brother on September 28. Like your mother, he passed in his sleep. My brothers death was a shock since he was only 48 years old.

[Night Owl]

Deb
Sorry to hear of your brother.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[Deb]

Thanks, Night Ow. I was shocked when I got a phone call from the Texarkana, TX police department saying my brother had passed away in his sleep. That's the only way to go.

[FieryPrincess]

I am late to chime in here, but I am also sorry to hear of the losses. May you find some peace and comfort in knowing that they don't hurt.

[Voice-of-Reason]

Deb, I am sorry for your loss!

But I agree, dying in your sleep is the way to go.

[Deb]

Rick and I know a guy from Portland, OR who had a massive heart attack and passed away immediatly. Only problem was that a mutual friend from Atlanta and I called the Portland police to do a welfare check on him, and the cops said that since we were not family they refused to do a welfare check. His mail carrier noticed he hadn't picked up his mail for 4-5 days, and his truck and trailer were in the driveway. They called the police and asked to do a welfare check. For the mail carrier they did do a welfare check and found him dead in the computer room/bedroom. At least that guy didn't suffer either, and he didn't have his heart attack when he was out earlier going to the grocery store.

I guess my brother was lucky and died in a Texarkana motel room and was found by housekeeping. But trying to find out if he still owns his truck is something I'm having trouble learning. He sould have registered it when he checked in, so why the motel won't tell me, I don't know.

[Charles Grubb]

Deb and VOR, it saddens me to learn of your recent losses.
May God bless and comfort you during this difficult time.
Words fail me at times such as these.
But, God is there for us all.
Here are some words that have comforted me through too many times such as you're enduring.


When Tomorrow Starts Without Me...

When tomorrow starts without me,
and I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry,
the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things,
we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
as much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,
that an Angel came and called my name,
and took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready,
in heaven far above,
and that I'd have to leave behind,
all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye,
for all life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
so much yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
just even for awhile,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
from His great golden throne,

He said, "This is eternity,
and all I've promised you".
Today for life on earth is past,
but here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
but today will always last,
and since each day's the same day,
there's no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful,
so trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
you knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
and now at last you're free.
So won't you take my hand
and share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart,
for every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

David M. Romano

[Deacon Klaus]

While few words than remove the pain of loss, some, such as the beautiful poem by David M. Romano, mitigate the pain. Here is another which I hope will have the same beneficial effect. You are in my prayers.

Gone Only from Sight

I’m standing on the seashore.
Suddenly a ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze, and starts out for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength,
and I stand and watch her until at length she is only a ribbon of white cloud just above where sea
and sky mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says, “There! She’s gone!”

Gone where?
Gone from my sight - that is all.

She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side,
and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her,
and just at the moment when someone at my side says,
“There! She’s gone!” there are other voices ready to take the glad shout,
“There! She comes!”

And that is dying.

[Deb]

Thanks, for the kind words, Deacon, Charles, and everybody else. I had my brother buried with our dad in southwest Arkansas. Just as when I pass away, I'll be buried with my mom.